Ceramic Angel
by Kato Chinatsu
Summary: "We are so young... so very young..."


**Kato Chinatsu:** So yeah. =w= I know I have been on a bit of hiatus because I rarely update. ^^" Well, exams just finished and stuff so I am slacking a bit so I decided to put my time into a more *coughs* productive use, thus, this story. Also, I just got back my Literary Analysis the other day and I was a bit encouraged by my teacher's comment (which I find totally cute) and I am just waiting for the release of the report cards this Friday. *prays earnestly that she will pass and be an honour student…. Or just simply pass* Anyway, this is my second ColoLal fic (Not really a fan but the idea for this story just screams "LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!") I had Lal Mirch help me in this fic…. *coughs* with the special participation of Colonello. =w= This is not really a ColoLal fic entirely. I am not into… making romance as of late because my whole being screams for angst. =w="" But this fic, nonetheless, has Lal and Colonello in it. I hope I don't disappoint the fans of this pairing. ^^" I hope they are not OOC. If they are, I apologize beforehand. *bows* Without further ado, here is it.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! It solely belongs to the great Amano Akira…. Whose other work (uh… she did the character design), **"PSYCHO-PASS"** will** MAKE IT ON THE TELEVISION ON ****OCTOBER 2012****!** *fangirl shriek*

**P.S.** Really guys! Do check it out! The characters resemble very closely to the KHR! Characters. The main looks like a combination of Xanxus and Hibari and one of the characters REALLY looks like Mukuro but he has white hair so it's like the love-child of Byakuran and Mukuro and- *shot to death*

* * *

**Ceramic Angel**

_Whirrrr….. Whirrr…. Tak…. Tak…. Tak…. Tak…. What a fine porcelain doll in this beautiful doll house! Click!... Click!... Click! … What a magnificent doll! It moves with such a grace and!- CRASH!... Oh heavens!It's broken…. Let's put it back to pieces…. Here… It goes in here… And this…. No… That's not right….. Sighs… It's impossible to put it back again….. What a stupid and useless doll… CRACK….._

* * *

1858.

It was at that time that I was born to this mysterious world. Where the heathers bloom to their accord, kind of like lemongrass….? Perhaps, I think so to myself, repressing a shaky sigh at the… oh so forlorn memory I begrudgingly reminisced. A blissful paradise, I recall back then, of that majestic and astounding land I grew from, somewhere in the outskirts of medieval Sicily, Italy. I've lived a humble and peaceful life, I say so myself. I grew without a _madre_ and thought so of myself as an outcast to the world. I was away from the civilization. Not that it matters to me. I was an unwanted child to my mother, the _casa aiutanti_ told me. Of course, I chide, they informed of me that fact as politely as they could out of respect. I make things complicated… twisted. I like to keep myself in the reality. There was never a use in denying such… concrete fact. I heard that my mother tried to abort me, taking pills that, I thought of till now and I am so sure of, as a means to kill me. My _padre_ was against my abortion. He chained the mother I never knew of for seven months. Her needs were tended to. But she was like a pig, strapped there, fattened, until the time to slaughter it comes. I know so much of this world upon reaching the age of five. I know that my father is a part of mafia, that he is involved with drugs, weapons, and killings that occur in our country. I knew that upon my birth, he abandoned my mother's bleeding body for her to die, and disposed of, thereafter, by burning it in…... oh, the name of the place slipped my mind. I was not exposed to the civilization. Father feared of my life, as being part of the mafia, it does happen, so I was always locked inside the mansion, like a little doll inside a spacious doll house… wandering… wandering.

I was lavished by many clothes, toys, parties, and so much more by my father. I was taught at home by exclusive and well-known scholars and professors of that time. Indeed, my life seemed so perfect. So utterly perfect, like a mirror, waiting to be shattered. But I dreamt unrealistically, I sneer. I wanted to be different. I understood so many things that knowledge itself could provide. But what is it really that I seek? So many questions are swirling through my head. Why was I born in this world? Why did my mother despise me so? Why was I unwanted? I could not decipher the answers to them.

* * *

1868.

At the age of ten, I was quite the rebel. I would sneak out of the mansion at night and head to the town, the monastery, specifically, to the only friend I ever knew, Father Augustus. Father Augustus met me one night when I sneaked out of the mansion. What could I say? I wanted to see the "civilization". He was ever so curious and worried of that one girl, drifting around the streets on one dark night. He brought me to the monastery and treated me like his own child. He knows me more than anyone else, I could say so myself…. Well, he is the only one who knows me in this side of Sicily. He is aware of my father as well, but he accepted me still. He was like the father figure I have always wanted. Subconsciously, that is. He is well-loved by the people and has been a priest since he was twenty three. He was ever the peculiar man, talking about someone called "_Dio_ "and his son "Jesus Christ". Who is he? I remembered asking him. What is a _Dio_?

Even now, I do ask myself, as he had explained it to me, what is a god? Does _Dio_ or even a mere god exist out there? How do they even know of His life if He existed before man was created? If He created Adam and Eve, the first humans on Earth, and Eve bore two sons to which one had a wife… How was that even possible when Adam and Eve are the first two humans? Where did that "wife" come from? Ugh. So damn confusing. When I told that to Father, he just laughed at me. He would always place a crucifix in my hand when I am questioning that "_Dio_" and tell me to have faith in Him. Father… Ever the peculiar man, I chuckled briefly. Even up to his death, he was ever peculiar.

On that night before his death, I was ever so curious why he gave me his chasuble and crucifix. "I am no priest", I said, "Why should I keep it?" He never really gave me a real answer. As usual, he smiled and told me to "have faith in Him". I didn't know what he meant back then. Ever the unfathomable guy. He sent me home earlier than I was supposed to and kissed my forehead as he bid me farewell. Unnerving. That is how I felt. He consumed my thoughts that very night. What did he mean? What was he trying to imply? I fell asleep, wondering, oblivious to that sliver trail of smoke up in the sky.

A peculiar man, I tell you. The very first man I have ever seen who smiled in death. I didn't have that urge to weep and lament. Only numbness consumed my very being. Who was I kidding? , I chided as I grasped that silver crucifix of his. I was unwanted. Why did I stay? I ran away from home, leaving a short note to my Father. Don't look for me, I wrote. I know that when I leave, there is no turning back. I grabbed all the decent clothes I can find that is appropriate for travelling and all the food that can be eaten easily before setting of….. well, not before taking my knife with me. It's a gift of my father that I was to use for self protection.

I set forth on this unknown journey, not knowing where I should head for. I want to know this mysterious world, and being locked from the outside like a mere display isn't my ticket to find out my destination. And so I walk…. Walk to that unknown world I knew none of.

* * *

1873.

Who would have thought that a spoiled brat like me would end up serving an organization comparable to that of a military? Neither did I. I was lost and ready to give up at that time, as I recall four years ago, wondering aimlessly, begging like a lowly beggar for food and water…. Anything, anything just for the means of survival. Alaude, the owner of the organization I am working on, saw me then at that time and decided to take me in, seeing great potentials in me. He adopted me as his own daughter, but I was intent of paying him back, equivalent exchange as I call it. So here I am, the daughter of Alaude, and also the Supreme Commander of COMSUMBIN. I really didn't know what was in store of me when I decided to work for him. I was only thinking of finally knowing my true purpose, my real intentions in this world. It was really a tough job, I have to say. With barely four hours of sleep every day, training the members nonstop, minimal rests, ten minutes for meal times, five for bath times….. ugh. Complete utter chaos. Then again, who was I to complain of such? I was taken in. My purpose is to serve. Nothing more, nothing less. But for once, I felt that I belong. I belong in this place. I belong with these people who had the courage to smile even through hardships. These people who would sacrifice their very lives for the sake of protecting others. These are human beings. This is what it feels like to belong…

* * *

1874.

That was when I met him. He is….. _uno angelo mandato dal cielo. _There is something about him that seemed… unnerving. From that first time I laid my eyes on him, there was something about those sky blue eyes that gives off a sense of… warmth…. Comfort.

"What is your name, soldier?" I asked in a guarded tone.

He stands up immediately from the stool he is sitting on and salutes. I felt like laughing at his funny antics.

….

….

Laughing…? This…. is a first. Never in my life did I let out the smallest of laugh or felt the urge to…. So why now? Why do I feel like laughing because of him? I've seen them, my family, my comrades, I mean. They laugh quite so carefree. Why? How do they do it? And then… he comes. Why? Why do I felt the urge to laugh over such a silly thing? What could this mean…..?

"Colonello, Ma'am-… er…. Ma'am!" He answered, but faltered upon realizing that he does not know of my name. What a strange person. He looks about two years older than me.

I nod.

"What are you doing here then, soldier? Go to the main office and get your folder! We did not accept you here to slack off!" I growled in slight irritation, glaring at his face as I kicked the stool to the opposite wall, hard.

Our eyes met. Did my heart skip a bit? No…. Wait…. Oh hell, it did. Shoot! It did! What the hell?

"Yes, Ma'am." He answered firmly, though I sensed an unusual kind of softness in his voice. He bows hurriedly before excusing himself from me.

Colonello… What an unusual name, but seemingly perfect. A perfect name for an equally unusual person….

* * *

1875

"Ma'am, you never did tell me your real name." Colonello mumbled, chewing on one end of a toothpick as we were taking a rest from our tedious training. I glanced at him as I wiped the obvious sheen of sweat from my forehead, an incredulous look on my face. _Why are you asking now? _I want to say.

He looked at me and arches a brow, as if seeming to say, _Why shouldn't I ask now?_ For a person who I have trained for only a year, this guy here is able to read me like an open book. Drats!

"You know my name is Desideria." I answered as calmly as I could. Well, that is my name according to _mio padre adottivo. _No one knows my real name. Not even Alaude.

"_Desideria _is just what you call yourself." He said thoughtfully, critically. "It's just how you see yourself, I can tell. _Desideria _means "longing" in English. What are you longing for then, Ma'am?" He asks nonchalantly.

Longing…. I have found a place where I can belong. But then… now that I think about it, belonging was just an excuse. What do I really want in my life? Belonging was a mere excuse…. A petty one, indeed.

I leaned forward and blew on his ear. He jumped slightly but does not move away.

"I am…." I whispered slowly in his ear, emphasizing each syllable. "… _quello che sono."_

I smirked as he frowns ever so lightly. There is no way I would tell him such privy information.

"Is it that hard to tell me?" He asks a bit exasperatedly. "We're close are we not? I think we are close enough for me to die with you." He sneered.

….

"…"

"I think you are a _'creatura divina'._" He replies huskily, playfully winking at me. The nerve.

"Then I think you are _'un pervertito che è fastidioso'._" I answered with a smirk plastered on my face.

"O-Oi! How am I one?!" He grumbles, pulling a bundle of grass from beneath him. Tch. How childish.

"Because you are one, stupid." I sighed, trying to compose myself as I stood up, sensing the presence of another person.

"I see that you have been keeping one of our best soldiers entertained, daughter." Alaude mumbles in a firm voice as he approaches us. How long has he been listening, I wonder…

"We were just about to resume practice, father." I replied simply in the same tone but with due respect. He is, after all, a father to me. He nods ever so slightly before running a hand through his platinum blonde hair.

"Daughter, I have some files on the following cadets that have just joined. Do go to my office now so you may review their profiles. We need to distribute them according to the appropriate head for them. Also, I left there a document about today's meeting with Giotto and the other guardians. I think you may be interested in it."

Sighs. Another bunch of new cadets. Another document to read.

I nod curtly, my eyes not meeting his, before I turned towards the direction of the office.

_He just used that as a petty excuse for a diversion to me. _I thought as I think of the many possible reasons for him wanting to talk to my apprentice.

"_Non vorresti sapere?" _I heard him sneer.

"Of course I do, Chairman." Colonello answers stiffly.

A brief humming….

"_Ha vissuto un po'…. Circonstanze difficili."_

…

…

…

_We're close, are we not?_

I kept my pace normal as I head for the office. Sighing ever so briefly from time to time, I chewed on my cheek as I absentmindedly flip through the documents.

You're dragging me too deep. Too deep. Will I resurface? Can I resurface to that point where you are not by?

….

…

…

You're dragging me too deep. What are you, Colonello?

* * *

1876

I have lived a blissful life…. Well, one that suits my taste, at least. I never really did expect my life to be like one of those princesses in those fairytale books that have gone astray or something, to be helped by some god mother or fairy and live happily ever after with a prince or a knight in shining armour. When I left home eight years ago, that image was long shattered. Well… Maybe since I was a child, it was already long shattered. I wonder, is fatherstill looking for me? I doubt it. Unless he died already…. I shrug. Maybe. Maybe not. I did tell him in the letter not to look for me. Maybe the old man heeded my note. One less mouth for him to feed, no?

I did not expect my life to be like this. That I would end up working in an organization comparable to the military. That I would be serving my people and not the other way around. I did not expect that I would find a place where I could rightfully belong. But most importantly….

I found a place where I am wanted. It is quite ironic. It has been with me for two years and only did I realize it now when it is gone.

Will I resurface? Can I resurface to that point where you are not by?

Ha….. haha….. ha…. ah….. ha…. ahaha….

Plip…..

…

Plop…..

…

Plip…

I caressed my cheeks and find them wet. What is this…..? Is this…. Is this what people called "tears"? It feels… painful…. Hurt…. This is hurt. It's so excruciatingly painful…

…

... I should have died.

…

… He was too young to die.

…

… Why did he have to die?

…

… Why did he have to leave me alone?

...

…

Why?

…

…

To and fro…. Fro and to…. I looked at his dead body from my position against the wall. Will he open his eyes again? Will he? Will I see the radiance in them again? Please…. Tell me I will…..

Would my voice reach the dead? Or do I simply…

…

…

…

…

...

…

…. follow?

What would it feel?

…

_I think we are close enough for me to die with you._

…

It was the other way around, I chuckled darkly as I approached his corpse and cradle his body… It's so cold….. Like a porcelain….. No one touches him. No one knows his body is here. Only me…. Only me….

…

…

Riiiip!...

…

…

Gulp…. Gulp…

…

…

It tastes bitter, I thought so to myself. The arsenic tastes oh so bitter to my tongue. I cradled his body gently against mine as I close my eyes and mutter…

"_Addio al mio vero padre, non ti rivedrò…. Addio a mio padre adottivo, spero di non deludervi…... Per tutto quello che ho incontrato, che bello conoscerti…. Quindi questo è il mio ultimo saluto, eh ...? Questa sarà l'ultima volta che mi…"_

I swallowed thickly as I convulsed once.

"_..._ _saranno messi in mostra."_

I lay his body on the bed. This is the least I could do for him… And for myself. I close my eyes and buried my face against his chest. Outside, the never ending exchange of gun shots continued on and on… on and on…. On and….. on…. Will someone find our corpses after? Or will we just rot inside this place…? I could care less.

"_Addio, mondo misterioso." _I sighed as the arsenic fills my being.

…

…

* * *

I was 18… He was 20….

...

Will I see you today, God? Will we meet…. in your dwelling…. on my birthday?

…

…

Plip….

…

Young….

…

"So young…. So so young…" I whispered until I could no longer.

…

We are so young…. So very young…

…

…

…

"_If you're going through pain, if you are suffering from hardships, never blame someone else for what you are going through. They don't hold your life. You do. If you want to change your life, if you want to prove them wrong of all the negative things that they have about you, take that fleeting step and make that change for yourself." - Kato Chinatsu (inspired by Lal Mirch's resolve and the false shadowing of the story of Cinderella in Once Upon a Time episode)_

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Fin**

* * *

_padre- father_

_madre –_mother

_casa aiutanti – _home helpers/ maids/ etc_._

_mio padre adottivo- _my foster father

_uno angelo mandato dal cielo – _a heaven sent angel

_quello che sono – _what I am

_creatura divina-_divine creature

_un pervertito che è fastidioso- _a pervert that's annoying

_Non vorresti sapere? –_Wouldn't you want to know?

_Ha vissuto un po '... circostanze difficili.- _She has been through difficult circumstances.

_Addio al mio vero padre, non ti rivedrò. Addio a mio padre adottivo, spero di non deludervi. Per tutto quello che ho incontrato, che bello conoscerti. Quindi questo è il mio ultimo saluto, eh ...? Questa sarà l'ultima volta che mi..._ _saranno messi in mostra. - _Farewell to my real father, I will not see you again. Farewell to my adoptive father, I hope I did not disappoint you. For all that I have met, it was nice to meet you. So this is my last goodbye, huh ...? This will be the last time I ...will be put on display.

_Addio, mondo misterioso.-_Farewell, mysterious world.

_Dio-_God

_Desideria- _Female Italian name that means "longing"

**Kato Chinatsu:**** Ugh….The first one, don't ask me why. =w="" I visualized something. Ehehe ^^" I was visualizing a scene so… ehehe… ^^" It looks so out of place. Anyway, how was it? Was it good? Was it bad? Or was it weird? =w=""" I really don't know so myself so just press that so very cute "Review" button and let me know. ^^ Thank you for reading!**


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